The sixt Chapter, of the English Trochaick verse.
NExt in course to be intreated of is the English Torchaick, being a verse simple, and of itselfe depending. It consists; as the Latine Trochaick of fiue feete, the first whereof may be a Trochy, a Spondee, or an Iambick, the other foure of necessity all Trochyes, still holding the rule authenticall, that the last sillable of a verse is alwayes common. The spirit of this verse most of all delights in Epigrams, but it may be diuersely vsed; as shall hereafter be declared. I haue written diuers light Poems in this kinde, which for the better satisfaction of the reader, I though conuenient here in way of example to publish. In which though sometimes vnder a knowne name I have shadowed a fain'd conceit, yet it is done without reference, or offence to any person, and only to make the stile appeare the more English.
The first Epigramme
Lockly spits apace, the rhewme he calls it,
But no drop (though oft vrged) he straineth
From his thirstie iawes, yet all the morning,
And all day he spits, in eu'ry corner,
At his meales he spits, at eu'ry meeting,
At the barre he spits before the Fathers,
In the Court he spits before the Graces,
In the Church he spits, thus all prophaning
With that rude disease, that empty spitting:
Yet no cost he spares, he sees the Doctors,
Keepes a strickt diet, pecisely vseth
Drinks and bathes drying, yet all preuailes not.
'Tis not China (Lockly) Salsa Guacum,
Nor dry Sassafras can helpe or ease thee;
'Tis no humor hurts, it is thy humor.
The second Epigramme
Cease fond wretch to loue so oft deluded,
Still made ritch with hopes, still vnrelieued,
Now flie her delaies; she that debateth
Feeles not true desire, he that deferred
Others time attends, his own betrayeth:
Learne t'affect thy selfe, thy cheekes deformed
With pale care reuiue by timely pleasure,
Or with skarlet heate them, or by paintings
Make thee louely, for such arte she vseth
Whome in vayne so long thy folly loued.
The third Epigramme
Kate can fancy only berdless husbands,
That the cause she shakes off eu'ry suter,
Thats the cause she liues so stale a virgin,
For before her heart can heate her answer,
Her smooth youths she finds all hugely berded.
The fourth Epigramme
All in sattin Oteny will be suted,
Beaten sattin (as by chaunce he cals it)
Oteny sure will haue the bastinado.
The fift Epigramme
Tosts as snakes or as the mortall Henbane
Hunks detests when huffcap ale he tipples,
Yet the bread he graunts the fumes abateth;
Therefore apt in ale, true, and he graunts it,
But it drinks vp ale, that Hunk detesteh.
The sixt Epigramme
What though Harry braggs, let him be noble,
Noble Harry hath not halfe a noble.
The seauenth Epigramme
Phæbe all the rights Elisa claymeth,
Mighty riuall, in this only diff'ring
That shees only true, thou only fayned.
The eight Epigramme
Barnzy stiffly vowes that hees no Cuckold
Yet the vulgar eu'ry where salutes him
With strange signes of hornes, from eu'ry corner,
Wheresoere he commes a sundry Cucco
Still frequents his eares, yet hees no Cuccold.
But this Barnzy knowes that his Matilda
Skorning him with Haruy playes the wanton;
Knowes it? nay desires it, and by prayers
Dayly begs of heau'n, that it for euer
May stand firme for him, yet hees no Cuccold:
And tis true, for Haruy keeps Matilda,
Fosters Barnzy, and relieues his houshold,
Buyes the Cradle, and begets the children,
Payes the Nurces eu'ry charge defraying,
And thus truly playes Matildas husband:
So that Barnzy now becoms a cypher,
And himselfe th'adultrer of Matilda.
Mock not him with hornes, the case is alterd,
Haruy beares the wrong, he proues the Cuccold.
The ninth Epigramme
Buffe loves fat vians, fat ales, fat all things,
Keepes fat whores, fat offices, yet all men
Him fat only wish to feast the gallows
The tenth Epigramme
Smith by sute diuorst, the knowne adultres
Freshly weds againe; what ayles the mad-cap
By this fury? euen so theeues by frailty
Of their hempe reseru'd, againe the dismall
Tree embrace, againe the fatall halter.
The eleuenth Epigramme
His late losse the wiuelesse Higgs in order
Eu'rywhere bewailes to friends, to strangers;
Tels them how by night a youngster armed
Saught his wiWife (as hand in hand he held her)
With drawne sword to force, she cryed, he mainely
Roring ran for ayde, but (ah) returning
Fled was with the prize the beawty-forcer,
Whome in vaine he seeks, he threats, he follows.
Chang'd is Hellen, Hellen hugs the stranger
Safe as Paris in the Greeke triumphing.
Therewith his reports to teares hem turneth,
Peirst through with the louely Dames rememberance;
Straight he sighes, he raues, his haire he teareth,
Forcing pity still by frech lamenting.
Cease vnworthy, worthy of thy fortunes,
Thou that couldst so faire a prize deliuer,
For feare vnregarded, vndefended,
Hadst no heart I thinke, I know no liuer.
The twelfth Epigramme
Why droopst thou Trefeild? will Hurst the Banker
Make dice of thy bones? by heau'n he can not;
Can not? whats the reason? ile declare it,
Th'ar all grown so pockie, and so rotten.
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