101 Funny Jokes
HOW TO PISS OFF OTHER PEOPLE
1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch
paper, 99
copies
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage="
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go"
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen
while
talking to others
5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all
weather
conditions "to keep them tuned up"
7. Reply to everything someone says with,"that's what you think"
8. Practice making fax and modem noises
9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc"
them to
your boss
10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up
11. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with
prophesy"
12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over
your ears
13. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge
across
the room
14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting
15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and
insist
to others that you "like it that way"
16. Staple papers in the middle of the page
17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking"
noise
18. Honk and wave to strangers
19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their
complimentary
mints by the cash register
20. TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE
21. type only in lowercase
22. dont use any punctuation either
23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole
streets
24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times:
"Do you hear that?"
"What?"
"Never mind, it's gone now"
25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk
26. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of
your
chin. When nearly done, announce, "no, wait, I messed it up," and
repeat
27. Ask people what gender they are
28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a
parakeet
29. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to
see if
they slow down
30. Sing along at the opera
31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme
32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their
answers
in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles"
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