101 Funny Jokes
What Really Happened...
"I expect to win it. Sit back, put your feet up in front of the TV,
relax and enjoy it. Let me do the worrying - that's what I get paid
for." - England manager Graham Taylor before the 1992 European
championships. England didn't win a game.
"I have always found strangers sexy." - Hugh Grant, six months before
he was arrested with stranger Divine Brown.
"I would not wish to be Prime Minister, dear." - Margaret Thatcher in
1973.
"That rainbow song's no good. Take it out." - MGM memo after first
showing of The Wizard Of Oz.
"You'd better learn secretarial skills or else get married." -
Modelling agency, rejecting Marilyn Monroe in 1944.
"Radio has no future." "X-rays are clearly a hoax". "The aeroplane is
scientifically impossible." - Royal Society president Lord Kelvin,
1897-9.
"You ought to go back to driving a truck." - Concert manager, firing
Elvis Presley in 1954.
"Forget it. No Civil War picture ever made a nickel." - MGM executive,
advising against investing in Gone With The Wind.
"Can't act. Can't sing. Slightly bald. Can dance a little." - A film
company's verdict on Fred Astaire's 1928 screen test.
"Very interesting, Whittle, my boy, but it will never work." -
Professor of Aeronautical Engineering at Cambridge, shown Frank
Whittle's plan for the jet engine.
"There will be one million cases of AIDS in Britain by 1991." - World
Health Organisation in a 1989 report. It over-estimated by 992,301
cases.
"The Beatles? They're on the wane." - The Duke of Edinburgh in Canada,
1965. They went on to produce a string of No 1s.
"The atom bomb will never go off - and I speak as an expert in
explosives." - U.S. Admiral William Leahy in 1945.
"All saved from Titanic after collision." - New York Evening Sun,
April 15 1912.
"Brain work will cause women to go bald." - Berlin professor, 1914.
"Television won't matter in your lifetime or mine." - Radio Times
editor Rex Lambert, 1936.
"Everything that can be invented has been invented." - director of the
US Patent Office, 1899.
"And for the tourist who really wants to get away from it all, safaris
in Vietnam." - Newsweek magazine, predicting popular holidays for the
late 1960s.
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