Little Red Riding-hood.
Ramblings on the Truth.
How are you? I have had a fairly ordinary day myself, and it is supposedly my last day off before I go back to work, but I know better than that, don’t I? Yes I do.
So what will they get me to do I wonder out loud. Sorry but wonderings don’t get Question Marks. I believe that they will get me to do something horrible and do the phones or something, but maybe they won’t. There is of course a possibility that they will say that I don’t have to do anything and can just sit around gossiping but I suppose that they will not allow that to occur. Selfish bastards really when you think about it, but I suppose that that is what you get for being a manager. Maybe I can write a book or something and become really famous.
So here goes!
EXITING BOOK PART ONE!!!
(I.e. the bit just after I ran out of inspiration.)
Little Red Riding Hood had it lucky, although most people don’t seem to think so. But she did and here is why.
She really was a very stupid girl. I mean to go out into the forest when you know that there is a wolf lurking out there is not to bright. But then it is arguable that she really had no idea what a wolf was in the first place. Either that or Granny was really ugly. Come to think of it maybe the entire problem was genetic but we can leave that sort of speculation up to the boys in the lab.
No the real pointer to the fact that LRRH had the brains that God has given to most rocks is that she walks into her Nanny's house sees a wolf dressed up as her oldest and dearest ancestor, and can’t tell the difference. For once even the Hollywood book of etiquette has it right. According to the manual the correct thing to do When confronted by the wolf what just et Granny and that also has a thing for women's clothes is as follows:
1. Scream.
It should be noted that the Hollywood book of etiquette allows screaming at occasions ranging from the arrival of the in-laws, to most weddings. Indeed the only place at which screaming is frowned upon is a funeral. Unless of course it is your own in which case it is expected.
2. Turn whiter than anything that happens to be particularly white.
3. Scream again (you can never have too much of a good thing).
4. Back away, the speed is irrelevant, and backing yourself into a corner, even when there is a door obviously handy, is considered good form.
5. Collapse into a quivering heap, and valiantly whimper for someone to come and save you.
It should be noted that at this point there are two schools of thought about what to do next, if the whimpered for help hasn’t arrived at this point. The traditionalists believe that you should just get eaten, so they can introduce another presumably smarter piece of cannon-fodder, whilst the more modern exponents tend to say that one should just run like buggery, so a sequel can be made of you doing exactly the same stupid thing in a totally different location. Although it is optional purists believe that the first of these options in particular requires much screaming to be carried out correctly so they advise the novices to pace themselves early on if they intend to let the Granny Killer eat them later on.
A careful reader will have noted that absolutely no mention has been made about standing there and asking silly questions regarding the size of Grannies ears, teeth, hair etc. The reason of course is that apart from it being blatantly obvious that ones Granny looks like she should be chasing rabbits, it is of course rude behaviour to comment on a persons appearance, especially if they have no control over it. Besides there always of course is the possibility that it really is Granny in that bed, and the Hollywood etiquette at least allows you to come back later, and claim that it was a spider, or temporary insanity or something,
Of course the real tragedy of it all is that some country Hick Woodchopper killed the worlds only Talking wolf, instead of making a bucket load from it. Of course we all know where that rates in the Hollywood etiquette book
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